Sunday, September 22, 2013

My Nanay Passed Away

She is my mom's mom. She's small, fair, has small chinese eyes and a big heart. I love her dearly and I am sad that I hadn't express that affection to her - now, is all a little too late.

My nickname is Aileen and she used to call me Arlene. I won't never forget how she calls me - her tone and her accent.

I don't want to be mean, but sometimes I felt betrayed, that she has more "moments" with her other "favorite" grandchildren, than me and my siblings - because they live together, and we are only there when there's an occasion or when everyone is free during vacations. This bad feeling I also felt to her husband, two years ago, when he died. I thought we still had a chance to connect, to bond after all we moved back here in Makati for good. To let them felt love and make them feel appreciated, to surprise them that they neglect their sweetest apo, and so, I would have a special place in their hearts. Now, both of them are gone.

I can't cry. I want to but I just can't. No tears are falling down. Just deep sighs. Deep meaningful sighs, with that longing of hugging them, to peck them on their cheeks and smell their scents. Sigh.

I don't want to sound bitter and ungrateful, and just to justify myself - deep down I know I felt bad because I am just like a shy kid on that corner over there, looking upon them, while longing for their love and attention.
To end this post, I will share to you my favorite moment with Lola.

I can't cry, but I'm sad and just happy that we had the chance to be with you, Nanay. I love you. See you in paradise.

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